Winds of Change
by DancingDragon42
Summary: Post Rent, they're all happy, but it can't last. Mark pushes through, his camera always at his side. Normal pairings. character death, but I swear it has happiness!
1. Observations

**Disclaimer: I don't own RENT, duh.**

**Winds Of Change**

Chapter 1: Observations

Mark lay staring at the ceiling above his bed. He and his ceiling were quite familiar with each other, really. He couldn't begin to count the hours he'd spent lying there, thinking, talking to himself. He had always preferred to walk and think, but for a large portion of the year in New York, it was too cold to keep his concentration. After tonight, it seemed that finally things were starting to come back together for the first time since Angel's death. At least for everyone besides him.

Sure, he had finished his movie, but now what the heck was he supposed to do with his life? His tribute to Angel was perfect and it made him finally feel like he could move on, but what was there to move on too. For the past year, he had been making the same film. Of course, he had originally intended it to be an exposé on the homeless and people with AIDS, but it hadn't turned out that way and he couldn't go back to that idea now. So, he had nothing. Meanwhile, Maureen and Joanne had each other, Roger and Mimi had each other, and he was lying in bed counting bumps on his ceiling. Well, there was still Collins, but he still seemed a bit too preoccupied with grief to be the best of company. Of course how much could Mark expect after Mimi's brief death and the video about Angel. Come to think of it, they were not really that much better off and in the end it was all the same, he was dreadfully alone.

After his film ended, they had all sat around smiling. For a moment, it all seemed perfect, like nothing was ever wrong and they would never be troubled again. But then Mimi had started coughing again, and they all realized that not everything was ok just yet. They were still sitting in an unheated room in the middle of winter in New York City, with a person with an immune deficiency who had just nearly died from drug withdrawal and cold exposure. They all looked around feeling awkward, each knowing what they had all just realized.

"SOUP," _Mark said loudly jumping up and walking towards the area that was designated their kitchen. Immediately he felt embarrassed at how obviously he couldn't handle the tension. But still, soup was a good idea, at least it would warm Mimi up because obviously the ambulance wasn't coming if it hadn't showed up by now. What was with that anyway? God had the whole world just forgotten that they existed? How can you call 911 and not have an ambulance come? _

_Mark was still thinking about the ambulance when Mimi said "_what kinds have you got?" _her voice was raspy and it startled his thoughts back to soup. He realized he had been standing in front of the cabinet, staring at its closed doors. God he was such an idiot he thought, opening the cabinet and peering inside. As usual, it was nearly empty, but still there were a few cans of food. That was really all he and Roger lived off of._

"Well," _he said, standing his toes to see to the back of the top shelf "_you have a choice of vegetable or …uh...vegetable." _Mark sighed, it's time to get some more food around here._

"That will be fine," _Mimi replied, trying to sound cheerful, but she couldn't keep from coughing. Mark poured the soup into a pan and put it on the only working appliance in the apartment, the hot plate his parents had sent him for last Christmas. He got down a bowl and leaned against the counter to wait for the soup to warm up. He examined his friends sitting together, concerned eyes all turned towards Mimi, who was still shivering in Roger's arms. He was once again reminded that they were not really safe, and that any day now they could all get very sick. Sure, Mimi had made it through this time, but she didn't look so good. _

_Hearing the soup start to bubble, Mark picked the pan up off the hot plate and poured its contents into the bowl. Then retrieving a spoon from the drawer he walked over and handed the bowl to Mimi. It shook in her hands, and Roger steadied it, smiling weakly. Then for some reason he didn't even understand perhaps just habit, Mark walked over to his camera and loaded it with a new reel of film and put it down again. For some reason he needed it there, ready so he would never have to lose a moment._

_After some time Mimi declared that she should go to bed. She put the empty bowl down and attempted to get down from the table, but immediately collapsed on the floor. _

"Oh my god, are you ok?!" _Roger immediately jumped down to help her, terrified, but she sat up and said "_its nothing, I'm just a little weak._" Roger sighed and helped her to her feet, holding her steady. "_I'll take you downstairs,_" he said, walking her slowly towards the door._

_The rest of them sat in silence for five minutes until Roger came back upstairs, disappeared momentarily in his room and then reappeared in loose flannel pants and a sweat shirt. "_I'm going to spend the night downstairs in case Mimi gets worse. Collins, you can stay in my room if you don't want to sleep on the couch, and I'll see you guys in the morning."

"Good night lover boy."_ Maureen teased as Roger left. But he didn't look amused, Mark knew Mimi was not doing very well._

_As soon as Roger left Maureen and Joanne gathered their coats and said goodnight, and Collins disappeared into Roger's bedroom with a wave._

And that left Mark where he was now, wondering what to do with himself.


	2. Busy Work

Chapter 2: Busy Work

One morning the following January Mark was sitting by the window in the loft, when he heard strange noises coming from the street below. When he looked down, he sighed at the sight of a rather large wrecking ball smashing into the building across the street.

"So they're finally really going to build that crazy cyber place," said a voice behind him, making him jump. Mimi giggled as Mark turned around to face her. He still never expected her to be there in the morning, even though she was there almost every morning.

"You startled me," he said indignantly

"I can tell," she replied, walking to the cabinet to get some breakfast. She looked better, Mark thought to himself. It seemed she was finally getting past her withdrawal, and she was eating more, but she was still thin and had a persistent cough.

Roger wandered into the room looking still very much asleep. Without so much as acknowledging Mark, he walked over to Mimi and wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing her on the neck. Feeling awkward, Mark got up, mumbling something about being late for work, despite the fact that leaving now he would be twenty minutes early. He grabbed his old camera, put his bike on his shoulder, and walked out the door.

About two weeks ago, Mark had finally managed to get a job as a cameraman for a local TV station. He had decided that since he had nothing left to do, it would be best to get a job, so at least he could eat. He didn't really enjoy holding a camera on his shoulder while some prissy reporter told the story of some house fire or something, but it paid fairly well and they didn't seem to mind that he kept his own camera close at all times. True, he still didn't know what he was filming for, but it felt important to him to record things, just in case some idea struck him.

When he reached the building where he worked, Mark climbed off his bike and chained it to a signpost. Entering the lobby, he immediately felt the familiar feeling of being out of place. Men and women walked hurriedly across the marble floors in stiff press suits. He looked down at his striped sweater and old jeans. Sighing he crossed the lobby and took the elevator to the 14th floor. Arriving at his destination, he slipped quickly into the room where the cameras were stored and began to gather the equipment he would need for the day.


	3. Borrowed Time

Chapter 3: Borrowed Time

A drift of cold January air pulled Roger from the comfort of his sleep. Rolling over, he discovered that Mimi had gotten up, leaving the covers down around his waist. Shivering, he got up and pulled on a tee shirt and pants as fast as he could. He felt totally exhausted and it was difficult for him to hold his eyes open. From the other room he could here Mimi laughing and a small snuck across his face. Finally, for however long it might last, he had the one he loved, and in this morning drowsy state, hearing her was all he needed to feel good. He wandered out into the main room, blinking as the light from the windows hit his face.

Mark was looking out the window, no doubt watching Maureen's old performance space come down. Meanwhile, Mimi seemed to be searching for breakfast, thank god she was at least eating. Quietly he snuck up behind her, murmuring a "good morning" and kissing her one the neck. Smiling, Mimi pulled down a box of slightly stale cornflakes and Roger took down three bowls. However, by the time he turned around to ask Mark if he wanted cereal, he was gone.

The pair ate in silence, Roger pretending that he was not yet awake enough for conversation. Although he was quite tired, the real reason why Roger did not talk was that he was watching Mimi, checking to see if the spoon shook in her hand, or if she looked pale. For now, she seemed better, so he had a plan to make use of what time they had.

Finally, when he was done eating he asked, "When do you have to work tonight?" Now that Mimi was feeling better, she had gotten her job back at the Cat Scratch club. Despite the fact that he had tried to encourage her to choose a safer job, she had insisted that dancing was the only career she for her, and he had given in.

"I have to be there from 6 to 1," she replied, looking at him curiously, "why?"

"Because we're going out, now go get dressed, I'll be right back." Mimi smiled at him suspiciously, but did as he said. Meanwhile, Roger walked down to the bank and took out his last savings bond from the bank. His parents had told him they were to be saved for a time when he needed them, and now that their lives were cut so short, he knew he had better use them to make what little time they had left, the best times of their lives.

When he arrived back at the apartment, Mimi was sitting on the couch perfectly ready, tapping her foot anxiously. Apparently, she was excited for his surprise.

"So where are we going?" she said almost the second he stepped into the door.

"To the park," he replied.

xXx

The day couldn't have been more perfect. They ate both lunch and dinner at real restaurants. Roger had never seen Mimi eat so much in his life. Maybe she had stopped eating because they didn't have any good food around usually. They walked around the park, talking and laughing, and when they got too cold, went for a park tour snuggled under a fur blanket in a horse drawn carriage. At the end of the day, Roger walked Mimi to her job, and set out to use the rest of his money to but some better food, promising to wait up for Mimi.

xXx

"Roger, Roger!" he could here Mark's voice, but he didn't want to respond, he was too tired… "Roger, it 11 am what are you doing sleeping sitting on the couch?"

"Mimi!" he said jumping up suddenly as Mark looked on perplexed, "Oh no, oh Mimi..." Roger grabbed his coat and headed for the door.

"Roger," repeated Mark, "Roger what about Mimi?!"

"She never came home last night."


	4. Family

Chapter 4: Family

Joanne woke suddenly that morning. Light was streaming through the windows in her old bedroom at her parents' house. Maureen had gotten up already, but what had woken her was the telephone blaring by her ear. She didn't answer it, it would not be for her.

She rolled over, not really wanting to get up, but not wanting to fall back asleep either. She had been having the oddest dream. They were at her parents' house just like now but every time her parents asked Maureen a question, she would moo. Everyone was starting to get mad, including Maureen who seemed to be unable to understand why they didn't know what she was saying.

However, in contrast to her dream, the visit seem to be going well. Her mother in particular seemed to find Maureen quite entertaining. By any account, this weekend was going much better than the weekend they had spent at Maureen's parents!

_They had decided to go to each other's parents houses so they could get a better grasp on the idea of the two of them as a couple. For Joanne's parents, it was a simple matter of getting to like Maureen, they had known that Joanne gay since high school, and they could accept that. However, it wasn't working to well for Maureen's parents who seemed to rather that their daughter had turned out to be an axe murderer than a lesbian. However, instead of addressing the issue, the seemed to think that homosexuality was something they could train out of their daughter as if she was a dog who liked to eat the furniture. _

_Rather determinedly, they asked Maureen thousands of questions about Mark, seemingly trying to encourage her to go back to liking boys. Mr. Johnson seemed particularly intent on not acknowledging Joanne, and neither of them gave her a chance to prove that she was a normal, good person. They had her labeled before they met her and hardly said a word to her, perhaps to encourage her to leave their family alone. Just about the only thing they said to her was at night when they politely told her she was welcome to Maureen's old room, which had been turned into a guest room. Mrs. Johnson had then turned to Maureen and said "_**You**_ may sleep on the couch," in a tone that suggested that if she didn't find her there in the morning _**she **_would be the one to become an axe murderer. And indeed, that was where Mrs. Johnson had found her daughter in the morning, she just happened to be kissing Joanne who was pinned under her at the time._

_This concept seemed to cause something to snap in poor Mrs. Johnson's mind and although she remained in silence for some time, when they sat down to lunch it all went south. Mrs. Johnson started asking Joanne deliberately accusatory and prying questions, starting with, "when did you find out, you know, that you weren't normal," and seemed to get ruder from there. Joanne tried to answer calmly, figuring accusing Maureen's parents of being complete skinheads would not help things. But, when Mrs. Johnson dared to make insinuations about her race, a shouting match ensued between Maureen and her mother, with Joanne and Mr. Johnson watching back and forth like a tennis match. Mr. Johnson seemed to be confused as to what had made Maureen so mad, while Joanne was stunned speechless at how awful Mrs. Johnson was. How could these ridiculously prejudiced people have raised Maureen?_

_When Mrs. Johnson pulled out the old "I just want what's best for you," line Joanne decided it was time for her to go pack. Sure enough, ten minutes later Joanne was driving them back to NYC, Maureen ranting and apologizing about her parents the entire way home._

"Joanne," Maureen's voice startled her from her reflections, "Joanne honey get up we have to go home."

"Huh?" Joanne turned to face the doorway and saw that her parent were standing behind Maureen, the three of them looking quite distraught.

"That was Mark," said Maureen, "Mimi is missing."


	5. Found Again

Chapter 5: Found Again

Collins sat anxiously in the back of a cab which was stuck in very heavy downtown traffic. At 11:20 that morning, Mark had called to tell him that Mimi was missing and Roger was going to look for her. He had immediately tried to get out of teaching that day, but the dean said there was no one to replace him, so he had to wait until after class to leave. As soon as class was over he had gone right back to his apartment to get ready to leave. Then, just as he was getting ready to go at 2:30, the phone had rung again. It was Mark this time saying that Roger had finally gotten to talk to the manager of the Cat-Scratch club. Apparently Mimi had collapsed while dancing, and been taken to the hospital. The manager didn't know much else, except that she was alive when the ambulance took her, so Mark and Roger were headed to the hospital right then.

The traffic was going nowhere, by now he probably could have walked to the hospital. He had thought about it, but he hadn't been feeling his best and, at this time of year, he could get pneumonia easily. His doctor had even told him that in his condition, he probably shouldn't be exposing himself to the number of illnesses college students typically carried, but he figured his apartment on campus was cleaner than the loft, so it was just as well. Besides, although he would never kill himself, he no longer feared dying, because he knew that Angel would be waiting for him in heaven.

Twenty minutes later, the cab finally reached the hospital. Collins paid the driver as quickly as possible, then climbed out and practically ran to the reception desk.

xXx

Meanwhile Maureen and Joanne clambered up the steps to the loft only to find a note taped to the door. It was scrawled hurriedly in what Maureen recognized as Mark's handwriting; she pulled it off and read it aloud.

It said simply "Manager told us she was at the hospital, come."


	6. Slipping Away

Chapter 6: Slipping away

Mark leaned on the front door of the hospital, breathing heavily. As soon as Roger had returned from the Cat Scratch with the news that Mimi had been taken to the hospital, Roger had sprinted immediately back out the door. Mark had called Collins and left a note for Maureen and Joanne on the door and then rode his bike as fast as he could to the hospital. When he reached to door, he was completely out of breath and Roger was standing at the reception desk looking quite upset. At first, Mark did not go in because he could not bear the thought of what he might find, but then Roger had turned around and waved for him to come in.

He walked in slowly, trying not to focus on Roger's face, fearing the pain he would see in his friend's eyes, just like after April… No, he couldn't think like that, he didn't know yet, he would have to just act like a grown up and ask. But, before Mark even reached Roger to ask, he shouted "Room 451 Mark, hurry up!"

Three minutes and a very anxious elevator ride later, he and Roger were standing in the intensive care unit looking through a window to the room where Mimi was lying alone. At first they both froze, Mark couldn't believe how pale she was, and she looked so weak. But, she had been fine this morning, what one earth was wrong with her now? She was unconscious although perhaps that was because no one had been there with her for many hours. However if she was in the ICU, it had to be something big.

Mark noticed that Roger was headed for the door, and followed suit, but a stern female voice called from behind them, "You can't go in there! It's family and close friends only in ICU."

"Is her boyfriend close enough?" snapped Roger, clearly not happy at being kept away from Mimi any longer.

"Then who are you?" said the nurse looking at Mark.

"Uh, just a friend, his roommate too."

"Sure, a likely story," said the nurse, squinting at them both, "I know where she came from, you can't fool me. Whatever she 'owes' you or whatever you want from her, you aren't getting it on _my_ time."

Mark watched Roger slowly turn deeper and deeper shades of red and start shaking with anger. "HOW DARE YOU! You don't know anything..." Roger had started towards the nurse, and Mark decided it would be best to interfere, they were attracting quite a bit of attention. He stood between Roger and the nurse holding Roger by the shoulders at arms length and noticed that Mimi had been awakened by the racquet and was doing her best to sit up and see what was happening.

"Just wait here and try to calm down a minute, okay Roger?" Mark said letting go and walking toward the nurse. "Listen, I'm sorry," he said to the nurse, who was eying him as if he might turn into a cobra and bite her, "but, he's been through a lot, I mean she's been missing since last night, and she's not been in the best health lately. He really does care about her, and so do I. So, since she's awake, why don't you go in and ask her if she'll see us okay? And if she says no, I promise I'll restrain my friend over there, okay?" The nurse squinted distrustfully at him momentarily, but nodded and headed for Mimi's room.

Mark explained the deal with the nurse to Roger and they both watched Mimi give what seemed to be an overly long answer to such a simple question. Then nurse then came back and said "You can go in." However when Roger took a step forward she stopped him again, "No not you sir."

"WHAT?" Once again, Roger was a brilliant red and everyone was staring at them.

This time however, the nurse's answer sounded soft and caring, "Sir she has the flu, perhaps other things, and she's still contagious and she tells me that you are HIV+. It's not safe, sir."

Roger's rage now seemed to have melted into despair. Tears were beginning to fall down his cheeks as he said "I don't care, I need to see her...please." Mark could see that Roger knew he was losing Mimi, just like he had feared since the day she had knocked on their door so long ago, and when that happened there would be little left of his friend.

"Sorry sir," said the nurse again, "but not only is it against hospital regulations, but also she specifically said that you not be allowed near her until we said it was safe. I guess I owe you an apology too, obviously you care each other very much"

Mark stood in the aisle, confused and feeling lost. He was once again watching life from the sidelines as Roger walked slowly to the window and placed his hand on the window, mouthing "I love you" so that Mimi could tell what he was saying. Then Roger turned to face him and said, "go in Mark, she shouldn't be alone for so long."

He pushed open he door and Mimi turned her head to face him. She looked even worse up close. She was sweating and shivering but still she managed to smile brilliantly through it all. That was what was so painful about it all. She loved life so much and took what she got and made it work, but still the life she tried so hard to live well was slipping slowly from her grip.

For a moment, he stood back from the bed and just looked her in the eyes. At least now, if she didn't make it, he would get to say good-bye. He opened his mouth to speak but instead, for reasons he couldn't understand, sat down on the bed next to Mimi, and wrapped his arms around her. For the first time in years cried where everyone could see.


	7. Holding on

Chapter 7: Holding On

Maureen and Joanne arrived at the hospital to find Collins already waiting in a chair in the lobby. As soon as he spotted them, he sprung up. "Oh thank god you two are here, they keep telling me there's no Mimi Marquez here, and I described her and said what had happened to her and everything!"

Maureen watched a look of horror cross Joanne's face and for a moment, she felt it too. No Mimi here, probably meant no Mimi anywhere anymore, but then she remembered and relaxed a bit. Purposefully she walked to the desk and said "I'm looking for Marima Marquez please."

"Oh yes, room 451, the ICU, Miss," said the receptionist, "that poor girl…"she shook her head and trailed off. Maureen motioned for Joanne and Collins to follow her to the elevators.

"Marima?" said Joanne, stifling a laugh.

"Why do you think everyone calls her Mimi?" replied Maureen. The two women laughed, but the elevator doors had opened and Collins was dead silent, and they knew right way why. This was the ward where Angel had died.

xXx

Mrs. Marquez walked as quickly as she possibly could without sprinting towards her daughter's hospital room. She could not believe the call she ad gotten this morning. Her daughter had collapsed onstage in a strip club because she had tried to dance while she had the flu and she was not likely to fight off the virus because she had AIDS which she had probably gotten from using heroin every day for the past two years until about two months ago. Her daughter was dying, for about five different reasons and she never would have seen it coming because she never knew about any of it.

When she got to the correct floor she asked an ICU nurse which room was her daughter's, knowing that she sounded hysterical, but not caring. When she got into the room, she found her daughter pale and shivering, unconscious in the arms of a skinny, blonde young man, who seemed to have nodded off as well. From looking at his too short pants and odd sweater, she got the impression that he was probably a geek, but obviously very nice. He was not the boyfriend she was expecting her apparently stripper daughter to have. Perhaps he was the reason why she had been off heroin for nearly two months.

Mimi coughed hoarsely, her whole body shaking and waking both her and the young man who was holding her. He first looked down to check on Mimi, but she smiled back up at him, and then drew a startled gasp, realizing that Mrs. Marquez was standing there. This caused Mimi to look over at her as well and whisper "Mom?" Mimi's voice was so frail it startled her.

"I wonder, mister uh…" she said looking at the young man still sitting on the bed

"Cohen," he said, "Mark Cohen"

"Yes, Mark, could a have a moment alone with my daughter?" Mark nodded and she watched him carefully slide off the bed and lay Mimi back down on the pillows. When he had left, she sat on the bed, gripping her daughter's hand. "Mimi, darling," she was sobbing now, "how could you do this to yourself? What happened to my baby? You are so young, why, why?" She bawled hopelessly now, unable to form words anymore. Mimi wrapped her arms around her crying mother, and held on as tight as she could.

After some time she got her wits together and said, "So this Mark guy, is he your boyfriend?" The fact that Mimi immediately burst out laughing, told her that she had been very wrong.

xXx

Roger sat on a bench across from the window to Mimi's room, dozing slightly. It was hard to believe that Mark had actually managed to act like a human being with feelings this time. So, for now, he knew that Mimi was with someone who could take care of her, he just hoped he would be allowed to see her before…

"Where is she, where's my girl?" A woman was crying and talking with a thick Spanish accent near him, pulling him out of his slight slumber. She was talking to the same nurse who had kept him out of the room earlier and looked rather like a slightly wider and much older version of Mimi. When the nurse directed the woman to Mimi's room, he knew the woman was Mimi's mother.

A moment later, Mark came out the door and Roger got up to ask him how Mimi was doing.

"Not good," Mark said before Roger even got a chance to ask, "Her mom's in there now, I think there was a lot about Mimi's life she didn't know before now, she looked like she was in shock."

"Yea," said Roger, moving to the window where he could see that Mimi was hugging her mother, who was crying, "the hospital would have called her first, and they would have told her everything, where she was, that she had AIDS, they can even tell if you've been on drugs and exactly when, from your hair. It must be a lot to get her mind around." He wondered to himself what Mrs. Marquez thought of her daughter now, what she thought about her friends. Would she be mad at them for letting her do what she had done?

It looked like now Mimi's mother had finally stopped sobbing and was talking to Mimi, she didn't look mad…Mimi laughed about something, it was good to see her smile again, but then she collapsed into a coughing fit and Roger had to look away, it was unbearable.

"Mark! Roger!" A shout came from down the hallway. Maureen, Joanne, and Collins were coming down the corridor at a rather rapid pace, looking concerned.

They reached the two men, and stood for a moment out of breath before Collins said, "What is it, man, and why are you two standing around here?"

Mark beat Roger to the explanation, "Well, she's awake, but she's not doing so well. Her mom's in there right now. They said she was coming down with the flu so dancing was too much of a strain on her lungs and that's why she collapsed. The real problem is that this strain of flu is virulent and they don't think she can fight it off." Roger sighed, realizing from the way he talked that Mark had shifted back into objective mode.

"She looks terrible," said Joanne, standing in the window.

"Have you talked to her yet?" asked Maureen.

"No," said Roger, "but Mark has, the hospital doesn't want me or Collins for that matter in there until they determine that she isn't contagious."

No one replied to this, they all just stared through the window. Mimi's mom was getting up and she appeared to be saying goodnight. A moment later, she joined them in the hallway. She looked at them standing there so solemn, and Roger suddenly feared that she was going to be upset with them for some reason.

"You're Roger?" she asked clearly looking him in the eyes. He nodded wondering if he would regret giving over that piece of information. She came towards him, making him take a nervous step back, but instead of assaulting him, she hugged him tightly. "Thank you, thank you for helping my girl." She let go of him and turned to face the rest of them, "thank you all." Then she left, tears in her eyes, heading towards the cafeteria.

Mimi, was smiling at them again, apparently pleased that she had convinced her mother to like her friends. Roger wondered what she had said about them, they sure were an odd bunch, most people their parents ages disapproved of them. In fact, most of their parents disapproved.

"Come on," said Maureen, "She looks lonely."

**AN: Yes, I know Mimi's mom speaks Spanish, but just go with it, because I don't.**


	8. Goodbye

Chapter 8: Goodbye

Three days later, Mark could see that Mimi was looking much better. She still had a slight fever but the hospital was hopeful that she would actually manage to beat this flu. The previous day the nurse had declared that it was safe for Roger and Collins to go into Mimi's room so now they were all strewn across the various chairs and windowsills and sitting on her bed. The air was joyful and hopeful. She was going to make it, now they could go back to having fun and not worrying.

Mark had come in each day before and after work, bringing Roger along with him. Now that he could go in, Roger spent almost his whole day at the hospital. Mrs. Marquez had also been a constant fixture, occasionally talking with them but mostly quietly holding Mimi's hand. Maureen and Joanne came after Joanne's work and Collins made the trek back from NYU everyday after class. However, today was Saturday so they were all there, laughing and joking. At 8, visiting hours ended, meaning only the family could stay. Like every other day, the gang stayed until the nurse realized they hadn't left. Mrs. Marquez said she didn't care, because they might as well all be her family, but the nurse never failed to chase them out by 8:30.

That night Mark and Roger walked home without talking as usual, but Mark could hear Roger humming under his breath, and he could tell that he was happy.

xXx

At 5:53 the next morning, Roger awoke to the sound of the telephone in the main room.

SPEEAAK "Hello, Roger, Mark are you there?" a frantic voice came over the answering machine. Roger recognized it as Mrs. Marquez's and immediately got out of bed and stared pulling his clothes on. "I guess you're still asleep," continued Mrs. Marquez's voice, "I hope you get this soon, and come down to the hospital, something's not right with Mimi. After you guys left last night, she started getting worse. They can't explain it, they said it's not the just the flu. I don't really understand, but she isn't---"

As the answering machine cut her off Roger came out of his room still pulling a sweatshirt over his head, to find Mark also fully dressed and wrapping his scarf around his neck.

They both practically sprinted the three blocks to the hospital and then up the stairs to the ICU. Roger found the same nurse they had met the first day and asked her to explain about Mimi.

"Well, you see we still don't quite understand AIDs that well," she said, "but we think her flu was the last straw. Her immune system wore itself out attacking the flu and the virus took over completely. Now her body is being attacked by every thing, little things that don't bother us at all normally." Then her face took on that false comforting look that nurses take on when they have bad news and Roger didn't even need to hear what she would say next, he knew. "I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for her now, I'm sorry sir."

He turned away as tears started to drip down his face and walked slowly into the room. Mimi was paler than he had ever seen her, her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open. She was shivering and her mother was sitting on the side of the bed sniffling as she wiped sweat off her daughter's brow. Roger sat down beside Mrs. Marquez and gave her a small hug. She turned then and hugged him back, crying on his shoulder.

xXx

Mark watched Roger sit down beside Mrs. Marquez and decided he was not ready to go in yet. Instead, he started walking down the hallway, to no place in particular, just to clear his head. He couldn't believe this was happening, first Angel, now Mimi, and Roger couldn't hold out much longer without her. Continually he told himself that by some miracle Mimi would make it, hoping to calm himself down even though he didn't believe it. That wasn't working, so he just kept walking. After some time Mark found himself in a waiting room. Seeing a phone in the corner, he decided to call everyone before returning to Mimi's room.

xXx

Roger didn't know how long Mrs. Marquez was crying but when she had collected herself, Roger noticed that Mark was now sitting on the other side of the bed.

"I called Collins, Maureen, and Joanne," Mark said softly

"Oh" said Roger; admittedly, he had totally forgotten about everyone else, "good idea"

"They'll be here soon, Collins doesn't have class today."

To this, Roger only nodded and the room then fell into silence. Maureen and Joanne arrived within five minutes but after greeting them, said little as well. Collins arrival did little to affect the mood either.

It when on like this for days, people filtering in and out when they could, bringing flowers and sometimes food for everyone else almost never talking. At one point Benny showed up as well as a few people who Roger guessed were Mimi's relatives. Mimi never really woke up, but Roger still almost never went home. He sat there and talked to her when no one else was around, hoping she would respond, but she only slipped away further. The nurse had stopped chasing him out after 8.

The days went by and then one Saturday they all found themselves at the hospital once again. He, Maureen and Joanne were sitting on the bed, the rest of them sitting or standing around. Mimi didn't look like she would last much longer. It was painful for Roger to sit and watch, but still he was scared of leaving her. He reached out and held her hand, it felt cold to him, and that only made him more worried. But, by some odd occurrence, she turned her head just slightly to him.

Roger clutched her hand tighter, moving up closer to her face. He could see now that her eyes were just barely open and she was looking. "Mimi?" She opened her mouth as if to speak, but only coughed. "Don't try to talk, you'll be ok soon," he said, but he didn't believe it, tears were rolling down his cheeks, this could be the last time he could talk with her. He reached up to touch her cheek, "Just hold on," he whispered.

She tried again, this time her voice came out, but it was the softest of whispers, "Just came to say goodbye, love." Then she seemed to look to the rest of the room, though they could barely hear her "Goodbye." With that, she closed her eyes and leaned against his hand, a soft smile on her face.

"No," pleaded Roger, "You don't have to go. You can't go. I need-" But then all he could hear was the ringing of the heart monitor as it flat-lined.

The nurse rushed in, but then did nothing but look at the clock and write the time down on her clipboard.


	9. Sorrow

Chapter 9: Sorrow

_The walk home that day was the most painful thing Mark had ever experienced. Neither of the two said anything, there was nothing to be said. At the top of the steps, Mark slid open the door to the loft and they both stood in the doorway for a moment. The piles of mostly junk that had always seemed like a comfort now looked ugly and foreign to him. Before she got sick, Mark had still felt a bit odd with Mimi in the apartment, but now it seemed impossible that she would never be there again. _

_Rather suddenly, Roger seemed to decide finally to go in. Mark watched him stride over to pick up his guitar, then walk off to his room and close the door without a word. Mark looked at his camera, and for some reason he felt he had to pick it up. He started going through his clips looking of ones of Mimi, to tell her story. In the background, he could hear Roger strumming chords. "Without you…"_

_For days, they continued like this, in a creative reverie, Mark only going out for work and food, Roger hardly going out at all. All Mark knew of what Roger did those days was the sounds coming from his room "…The earth turns…" Mimi's funeral was a small affair, she had very little family close by. It was a beautiful day, almost taunting. Roger still didn't speak, he only let the tears roll down his face. _

_Mark would have thought he had lost the ability to speak, except he could still hear him singing "…The tears dry, without you…"_

_One day Collins came in to see how they were doing, but there was no convincing Roger to come out, so Collins went home worried. "…Life goes on, but I'm gone…" After two weeks, Mark finally finished the titles on the film, and set the reel on the shelf on top of the reel that read "Today 4 U." Roger was still in his room "…'cause I die, without you…"_

Mark sighed at the six reels now piled on that same spot. "_Today 4 U, No Day But_ _Today, Song to Leave Behind, I'll Cover You, You'll See, Take Me or Leave Me."_ Of course he could never have expected them to make it much longer, but it had been hard, to lose so many at once. The flu had hit hard that year taking Mimi, then Roger, Collins and Benny. However, the sixth reel was the saddest because she should have made it. She was healthy and happy. It had been five years since that very cold winter in 1991 and they had thought they were in the clear but it had not turned out that way. Oh no, fate wasn't finished with them yet, it had to rip out their hearts one more time.


	10. Hormones

Chapter 10: Hormones

_September 28, 1994, Mark had just got a new camera, his old one haven finally given up on him. He was in his new apartment, just trying it out, panning the room and checking out the new zoom. He didn't think it was much better quality than his old one, but it was nice to be able to have a zoom like the cameras he had at work. Suddenly, Maureen burst through the door with Joanne in tow, both of them looking very excited. Startled out of his wits, Mark put his camera under his arm, forgetting that he had to push the button to turn off the camera now. Part of him was regretting his decision to move in across from them._

"_Guess what!" said Maureen practically shouting. Mark looked blankly back at her; it was best not to encourage this behavior, it only got worse. "I'm going to have a baby!" Now she really was shouting._

"_Um excuse my stupidity," Mark said, "but, uh, how?" Both of them looked at him purposefully, making him a tad nervous._

_When he didn't seem to grasp the concept Joanne began to explain, "Have you ever heard of in vitro?" Mark nodded feeling a bit stupid that he had forgotten about it. "Well it's expensive, but my parents are going to help us pay for it. And the success rate has improved so much recently. They don't even have to do surgery now. The only thing is it would be cheaper if we didn't have to use the sperm bank," Mark continued to nod his head, "as in, if we had a donor," both women stared at him again._

"_Oh, how would you…" They stared harder, "oh no…"_

"_Pleeease Mark" Maureen pouted at him, she KNEW he couldn't resist the pouting…_

_After a moment Mark gave in, after all, it really wasn't any kind of work on his part, it was just the idea of physically being a father even though it wouldn't be his child to take care of, "Alright, I'll do it… but you know it would be cheaper if you just slept with me," he muttered not really meaning her to hear it_

"_Eww, no." Maureen looked completely grossed out. It was hard to believe that they had ever dated._

xXx

_The procedure was done two months later and two weeks after, the pregnancy was confirmed. A few months later, the ultrasound revealed a single baby girl._

_Letting Maureen carry the baby had to have been the craziest idea ever. The woman was insane without raging hormones! Apparently, they had flipped a coin for it, and Joanne had lost. At one point, she was running around dusting both of their apartments. Both Mark and Joanne were sure that she had never cleaned anything of her own accord in her life. She was rather giddy most of the time, practically skipping from place to place until Joanne had suggested that it was probably best not to shake the baby about so much. She had her moments of course where you couldn't hand her a cookie without her losing her temper or breaking down and crying. One thing for sure she was a handful.l_

_Mark's personal favorite was the food cravings. At the most random times she would want something crazy like a fluffernutter with jelly or a fried Oreo. They had collected quite a few odd things in their refrigerators from trips to the store to buy strange things that Maureen never finished. _

_On night, late in Maureen's 8th month, Joanne shook Mark awake and 2:43 in the morning. She didn't look happy._

"_YOUR child is making MY wife crave chocolate milk". Mark wanted to point out that technically the child was supposed to be her responsibility, but from the look on her face he decided it would be best if he got up at went to the store._

xXx

_July 17, 1995, 6 am, Mark was awakened by a loud knocking, no, slamming on his door. Groggily he walked over and opened it, to find Joanne, with her arm still raised as if she might have continued knocking on his forehead. She said simply "Maureen's water broke, we're going to the hospital," then dashed back into her own apartment._


	11. New Life

Chapter 11: New Life

_After three hours in labor, Maureen declared that she was sick of it all and that Joanne could have the baby instead. Joanne and the doctor laughed and told her there was obviously nothing they could do now and she should just keep pushing. Finally, at 10:34 their little girl was born. The doctor took the baby for a moment, and Joanne turned to Maureen, who had collapsed back against the pillows, still breathing hard. Smiling she pushed the hair back off her wife's forehead and kissed her lightly. _

"_Congratulations," said the doctor smiling as he handed Joanne the baby, "your new baby girl. Should I get the father?" Joanne nodded but her attention was focused on the tiny child in her arms. Some how she was the most beautiful thing Joanne had ever seen. The smallest about of very blond hair like Marks covered the top of her head, and she had the most brilliant green eyes, just like Maureen._

_A moment later, Mark came in. He smiled when he saw the baby and Joanne thought for certain she could see tears forming in his eyes. Somewhat reluctantly, she handed Mark the baby. "What's her name?" Mark asked, smiling at the bundle in his arms and gently rocking her back and forth._

"_Vanessa" said Maureen. "Anyways, since I gave birth to her can I please hold her now?" Chuckling Mark gently put Vanessa in Maureen's arms. She smiled broadly down at her child. That smile was different from what Joanne was used to seeing. Maureen frequently only smiled when she wanted something, but this time she looked genuinely happy. This child would change Maureen a lot. _

_The baby started fidgeting and crying, reaching her arm out of the blanket she was wrapped in and latching onto Maureen's finger. The three of them looked at each other, finally letting the tears drip down their faces. "She's perfect," said Joanne. The other two nodded. Finally, after all the deaths they had faced, a new life was beginning._


	12. UnHappy Brithday

Chapter 12: Un-Happy Brithday

_August 13, 1996, Joanne's 34th Birthday. Vanessa's first year had gone by very fast. Mark was certain that he had never seen the two women so happy. A little bit of responsibility had mellowed Maureen a bit, and having a kid around all the time seemed to lighten Joanne's mood. _

_Mark was in Maureen and Joanne's apartment, babysitting Vanessa as he often did. Earlier he and Maureen a had thrown a small surprise party for Joanne at his apartment. Of course, since they did that every year, Joanne wasn't really surprised at all, but she played along as always Vanessa on the other hand was ecstatic. However now that Maureen was working as a waitress she had managed to save enough to make an addition to their tradition and take Joanne to a nice dinner._

_It was around 9:30, Vanessa was asleep, and Maureen and Joanne would be home from dinner soon. Mark was stretched out on the couch thinking over the shooting schedule for work the next day, when a loud bang startled him and Vanessa started crying. He got up to look outside quickly before going to calm Vanessa down._

_What he saw froze him to the spot. Three stories down in the street below he could see three figures, two close together the other with his arm outstretched towards them. He realized suddenly that the two figures close together were Maureen and Joanne and that the man was holding out a gun. The sound of the man shouting drifted up towards him but it sounded only like faint garble to him, maybe he was trying to rob them, he couldn't tell. He should have been running down the steps to help, but terror had rooted him to the spot._

_Then the building door opened and someone stepped out, startling the man with the gun who dropped it, turned, and ran. Getting a grip on himself, Mark went first to pick up Vanessa because both women would kill him if he left her crying, and then down the steps to the street._

_He emerged from the building carrying Vanessa, who was still sniffling. A small crowd had gathered. Mark held his breath, hoping they were both okay, and thinking that it had been a mistake to bring Vanessa. He tucked her head against his shoulder to protect her from what he feared they would see. Taking a deep breath, he pushed through the crowd._

_Joanne was sitting on the ground with her back to him, awkwardly supporting Maureen and pressing a cloth to her shoulder, both of them were covered in blood. The man standing nearby without a shirt told him where the cloth had come from. This was not good. Maureen somehow noticed their arrival and turned her head to them. Her eyes were brimming with tears of pain and her mouth formed Vanessa's name but she could not get any sound out. Joanne then turned as well, her cheeks stained with black by the make-up that ran down with her tears._

_He walked over and sat down on the pavement as well, setting Vanessa down beside him. She stared at them all; not really seeming to know what was going on._

"_Wha..." he started, choking back tears, "What happened?"_

_Joanne sniffed attempting to collect herself. Mark hadn't really expected an answer but she started talking, her voice high and strained. "We were walking home holding hands, dinner was perfect," she smiled down and Maureen, "we were almost home when he stepped out of the alley and told us to give him all our money. She told him no way, and started to pull me towards the building but he came after us. I decided just to give it to him, but Maureen…" she paused and looked down again, sniffling, " well, you know she wont take anything from anyone," a tiny smile crossed both women's faces, "then he pulled out the gun, I tried to pull her down, but…" she trailed off again, this time collapsing into hopeless sobs._

"_Jo," Maureen's voice was a pained whisper. Joanne met her eyes, those same brilliant green eyes that were always filled with mischievousness now seemed to have given up, "I love you baby, take care of Vanessa." _

"_No," said Joanne as firmly as she could between sobs, "just hold on the ambulance is coming, baby, don't go…" but she was already gone._


	13. Reunion

Chapter 13: Reunion

_It must have been true that young children can't understand death, because for the week before the funeral, Vanessa never seemed to stop asking for Maureen. She cold not speak very well yet but from time to time she would look up at Joanne with tears in her eyes and ask "Where Mo?" "She's gone," Joanne would say and then pick Vanessa up and start crying herself._

_Joanne had taken the week off from work to try to sort things out and planning the funeral. She really didn't know who would come though. They had sort of closed into themselves after all their friends were gone, she had hardly talked to anyone besides Mark and Maureen until rather recently. Her parents were coming, as were Mark's, but some part of her was afraid that Maureen's parents wouldn't come. As far as she knew, they had not talked to their daughter since their fight over five years ago. Either way they were notified and Joanne had left a message for them telling where and when the viewing and funeral were._

_Mark had no idea what to say or do for Joanne and Vanessa, so he did the only thing he knew. He started on his film just like with everyone else. He had come to realize that he got a sort of closure out of putting his memories out in a finalized form._

_The evening of the viewing Mark pulled on his black suit with a sigh. He told himself that after this he would never have to dawn it again, but that was what he had said the last time. When he arrived, Joanne was already there talking with her parents, Vanessa at her side, looking upset. He could hear their conversation as he walked towards them._

"_They just didn't get along, mom," Joanne was saying_

"_Still," replied, Mrs. Jefferson, "it's no excuse to—Oh, hello Mark."_

"_Uh, Hi," he replied awkwardly, guessing that they were discussing Maureen's parents. _

"_It's good to see you again, despite the," Mrs. Jefferson paused, looking at her daughter who was dabbing her eyes with a tissue, "the circumstances. I can never thank you enough for what you did for them." Mark blushed and went to say that he had done nothing, but she grabbed him and hugged him so tight that it was all he could do to remember to breathe. When she released him, he was having trouble holding back his tears. They had built a family, all of them together, and he was just now realizing it when it was really too late._

_He turned to walk to the coffin when he noticed that Vanessa had toddled away from Joanne and was sitting on the floor in front of the coffin staring up at it. Mark wondered if Joanne had let her see Maureen, or if she had, did Vanessa even understand? The child had seemed more distant in the past two days, perhaps she had finally grasped the idea that Maureen was not coming back. He saw that she was sniffling and went to pick her up. She buried her head in his shoulder, crying fully now and he rocked her back and forth just like when she was a baby. Tears welled in his eyes now and he realized it wasn't too late. Maureen was gone but she had left something behind, Vanessa. Now he vowed to take care of her, so she could grow up and not live the hell that they had lived. _

_Still holding the girl, he turned and peered into the coffin. People were always so peaceful looking in death, so it was an odd look for Maureen, who had never been peaceful even when she was asleep. The long black dress they had chosen for her didn't match her character either; she probably hadn't dressed up since Easter Sunday when she was eight. Nevertheless, still she was as beautiful as ever, and he supposed it wasn't proper to bury someone in their jeans and tank top even if that was all they ever wore. He dropped to his knee, repeating the same prayer for safe passage he had said all too many times. He had never really followed his religion, but at times like this, it was nice to imagine that his friends had gone to heaven._

_Tears now streamed down his face, and he could tell that Vanessa was crying too. He took a moment to collect himself and then turned to face the rest of the room. Mrs. Jefferson seemed to be holding Joanne up as she sobbed, while Mr. Jefferson rested his hand on her shoulder. Then Mr. and Mrs. Johnson appeared in the doorway, both looking rather distraught. Mark thought to himself how odd it was that he was surprised that they had come to their own daughter's funeral, but he was. They paused there, looking unsure, and then walked towards the Jeffersons. Mark also walked towards them, watching Mrs. Johnson curiously. She however did not seem to notice him or Vanessa. He wondered if they even knew they had a granddaughter._

_Sensing their presence, Mrs. Jefferson let go of Joanne and the four of them stood shoulder to shoulder, facing the Johnsons. Mr. Johnson held out his hand and Mr. Jefferson shook it coldly. Then, something odd happened. It was as if Mrs. Johnson couldn't take the idea of them not liking each other anymore. She broke down before their eyes, sobbing incoherently about something that she was sorry for, but none of them could understand what she was saying. The hysterical woman covered her face as if she was now embarrassed at her outburst. Joanne turned to Mark, looking a bit confused but then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Mrs. Johnson. Everyone seemed a tad startled by this action, but to mark it was so wonderful that he almost started sobbing too. Yes, it was much too late, but maybe finally these two families could learn to work together. It would be so much better for Vanessa that way. _

_After a few moments of the rest of them standing around awkwardly, Joanne stepped back and looked Mrs. Johnson seriously in the eyes. _

"_I don't know if Maureen ever talked to you about this but," she looked back at Vanessa and opened her mouth to continue, but Mrs. Johnson interrupted._

"_I know,"_

"_She talked to you?"_

"_Not exactly. One night around 2 AM, the phone rang and we let it go to the answering machine. It was Maureen. She begged me to pick up, but I didn't. She told me the short version of the story; she was crying, I could tell. She said she was in her third trimester and that she needed her mom to get through all this. That she needed my help, but I still didn't pick up. I was too caught up in stupid arguments and prejudices to be a good mother, to be a good grandmother…" she trailed off and hung her head. _

_Joanne, however, looked slightly relieved that she didn't have to explain the whole story. She turned to Mark, "Why don't you put Vanessa down so she can meet her grandparents?" This took a moment, as the girl had fallen asleep on his shoulder. "Vanessa honey," Joanne addressed the sleepy child, "these are your other grandparents." _

_Vanessa stared up at the two adults who were watching her with odd expressions. Mrs. Johnson started crying again and Mr. Johnson placed a hand on his wife's shoulder asking, "Honey what's wrong?"_

"_She looks just like her mother."_


	14. Dearly Beloved

**A.N.: Ok for those of you who are confused because of the lengthy flashback, I understand. I meant it to be one chapter but that did not work out, so just a little reminder. Mark is looking at the films in his room while remembering the past 2 years (that's all the italics, now we are back in 1996)**

**xXx**

Chapter 14: Dearly Beloved

Mark sighed; he had only just finished the last one about 4 hours ago. When he came from the viewing, it had been impossible for him to sleep until he finished. He was dressed and ready for the funeral but it wasn't time for him to go just yet. He hated this kind of time, where you can't start anything because then you'll be late, but if you leave now you'll be ridiculously early. Mark started to pace. Part of him wanted to pick the reel up off the shelf and play it but he was afraid he might just sit there and watch it over and over again. That's what he had done when Roger died. He had sat for days, watching clips of video, as if while he could see his best friend on film, he would be alive again. Maureen and Joanne had been the ones to pull him out of that stupor, forcing him down to the Life for coffee. Just thinking about Maureen made the tears well in his eyes. He immediately picked up his coat and walked out the door, heading for the funeral home. He would still be early, but the walking would help clear his mind.

It never seemed to fail that the funeral day was bright and sunny, and it seemed this day would be no different. Mark took a seat in an empty pew in the mostly empty church, hating the day for being so beautiful. A slow procession of black filtered in, people sitting in far corners of odd pews as if they feared human contact. The silence was deafening. Finally Joanne came in, her face tear-stained and her hand grasping Vanessa's tightly. They filed in next to him, Joanne beside him followed by Vanessa, the Johnsons, and the Jeffersons. However, Mark's parents were nowhere to be found.

"Hey," he greeted Joanne, his voice barely audible. She nodded in response, forcing a tiny smile before turning to stare blankly ahead. Vanessa sat attached to Joanne's arm, peeping around to stare at him. He tried to smile to give the poor child some form of comfort, but he was certain it looked much more like he was constipated. The tense silence in the room was suddenly broken by the sound of the priest sliding aside a curtain and stepping into the chapel. He walked to the alter, everyone's eyes following him. As he cleared his throat, Marks parents slid in beside him, his mom resting a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to make him feel better.

The priest began, "Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes, _here she lies; no one knew her worth, the late great daughter of mother earth…" _Mark's mind began to drift to that last Christmas they all had together, over years of happy memories. Maybe this was why it was always so sunny for funerals; maybe God wanted him to remember the good. He turned to Joanne, and watched a small smile sneak across her face; she must have been remembering the same thing. But it was brief and the woman collapsed into sobs. Mark reached his arm around her and she laid her head on his shoulder, her tears seeping through his suit. A moment later, Vanessa climbed into Joanne's lap, crying as well. Mark just held his dilapidated family, trying to tell himself they would be ok.


	15. Dinner Plans

Chapter 15: Dinner Plans

October 29, 1996

Mark sat at his table sipping his coffee. The past two months had been hell. The three of them seemed to have shrunk back from the world. He and Joanne were still working of course and Mark was still helping with Vanessa so it wasn't that they did see each other. It wasn't even that they never did anything together, or even that they didn't talk. Oh, they talked, as if the silence would kill them, but they talked about nothing, and he could remember the last time Joanne had laughed.

He got up from the table and started pacing. He walked heavily, breathed loudly, and tapped his fingers on his mug, anything to kill the silence in the room. He had always missed the craziness of the loft, but it had only gotten worse knowing that there was no chance of Maureen bursting into his apartment and doing something entertaining. Glancing at the clock, he realized he needed to leave for work and put his mug down. Picking his coat up off the couch, he walked out, turning to lock the door behind him.

When he turned around to walk down the hall to leave, Joanne and Vanessa came out of the apartment across the hall. "Hey," he said weakly, Joanne only forced a smile, but Vanessa looked up at him excitedly and exclaimed, "Uncky Mark!" She reached her arms up, asking to be picked up, and he obliged. He continued out, Joanne walking next to him in silence. The awkwardness between them was getting to be to much for him; he wished they could just stop and talk right then, but they both had to go to work.

"Do you guys want to come over for dinner tonight? I'll actually cook something I promise." Mark smiled entreatingly at Joanne, who looked for a moment like she would have really liked to take him up on his offer, but then her face sunk.

"No Mark, you shouldn't be giving us food, you can hardly feed yourself." She was avoiding him, he could tell. He wasn't _that_ poor.

"Don't be ridiculous," he countered, "I get along fine with my job, and besides I get paid today." Joanne stared at him for a moment as if looking for some other way to avoid him. When they reached the bottom of the steps, a small panic came across Joanne's face as she realized she needed to answer now.

"Alright," she sighed.

"Great!" Mark replied with an overzealous smile, "See you around 7, okay?" He put Vanessa down and retrieved his bike from behind the staircase.

"Yea," Joanne reached down for Vanessa's hand and led her out of the building.

"Bye, Uncky Mark!" she called as her mother dragged her along. Mark laughed and began the complex task of getting his bike out the door which never seemed to want to stay open.


	16. Dinner and A Show

Chapter 16: Dinner and a Show

The day went by slowly. He struggled to focus while his mind continued to drift to his dinner plans. For most of the day, he tried to think of what he could say that would make it easy for them to talk things out so they could at least grieve together instead of shutting each other out. Finally, though, he realized that there was no easy way to handle this, but it had to be done. There would be tears, shouts, and blame, but he had to face it or else he would lose all that was left of his family.

After work he intended to put his camera away quickly but unfortunately the new girl, Lynn, he thought her name was had put her camera away improperly again and since he was officially in charge of the cameras he was obligated to fix her mistake. One of these days, he would have to teacher her how to put it away, but she always seemed to rush in and rush out, he wasn't even sure he really knew what she looked like. That aside, now he was behind schedule. He picked up his check and rushed to the back to cash it and get the money to buy food for dinner and a new Disney movie called Pocahontas to keep Vanessa entertained so they could actually talk.

By six thirty, Mark had made pasta and simple chicken parmesan. He covered the old metal table with a sheet, hoping that it looked like a tablecloth. After some rummaging, he managed to find dinnerware that was all the same color, although it didn't match. He poured himself and Joanne some cheap wine in glasses that miraculously matched and got the bottle of Hawaiian punch he kept in his fridge at all times for Vanessa(it was her favorite). It was still only 6:45, god he hated waiting. When he stopped to think everything came rushing in on him. Waiting reminded him of hospitals, all those hours in uncomfortable chairs awaiting the inevitable.

He found himself staring at the reels on the shelf again. "I hope we can keep going guys. It has been really hard and I miss you. Vanessa is great, Angel and Mimi, you would have loved her, she wants to be a ballerina, you know. You would have had so much fun dressing her up and doing her hair. I think we're doing an okay job with her, Maureen, but she really misses you. It'll never be the same without you guys no matter-"

The knock at the door made him realize how odd it was that he was talking to the movies about his friends as if they were really them. Well, some people got comfort from talking to graves; he guessed it was no odder to talk to his films. He walked over and quickly opened the door. Joanne and Vanessa looked the same as they had that morning, making him feel a little silly for having put on a nice shirt. Awkwardly, Mark invited them in and took their coats.

"Uh, dinner smells good," said Joanne with a tiny smile.

"Thanks," replied Mark, "Chicken parmesan, I actually made it myself"

"Good job," said Joanne slightly sarcastically. For a moment, Mark almost thought she might laugh, but the moment was gone and her face turned cold again.

They sat down for dinner, which went well. The same useless talk as ever. At the end, he realized he had forgotten dessert, but Vanessa seemed satisfied with fruit snacks especially after he handed her the movie he bought her.

"Why don't you watch it on my TV in my room there?" said Mark pointing to his bedroom where the only TV in the apartment was. She nodded vigorously, and he started towards his room to put the tape in the VCR, but Joanne stopped him.

"Mark, she can watch back at out place," she looked at him oddly. He wasn't sure if she knew that he wanted to talk to her and was trying to avoid it or if she really didn't have a clue what he was talking about.

"No, she can watch it here," he replied trying to sound like he was doing her some kind of favor.

"But Mark, it's past her-" Mark cut her off with a wave of his hand and continued into the room where he put the tape in and set it to play. He returned to the main room leaving the door to the bedroom just barely open so they could here if Vanessa called for them, but the sound of the movie wouldn't disturb them. Joanne had sat down on the couch and was staring blankly at him. He went and sat down beside her with a sigh.

"So what is it," she said, "you wouldn't have gone to all this trouble to get us together without Vanessa unless there was something."

"Well," he said, not sure where to begin. "Remember when Vanessa was born and the three of us swore to always stick to together for Vanessa?" He paused for a moment and looked Joanne in the eyes. She nodded but still looked a bit confused.

"Mark you aren't going anywhere, are you?" She asked looking upset now.

"No, no," he replied hastily, "It's just, it's hard to stick together when we're pushing each other away like we are."

"I'm not pushing you away Mark, we still see each other!"

"Yea, Joanne, in the hallway," retorted Mark.

"I know," Joanne sighed looking at her hands in her lap. "It just doesn't feel right without her. I miss everyone, but she was the reason I even knew any of you, she's the reason I have Vanessa, she was everything to me…" Sobbing, Joanne collapsed on to Mark who pulled her into his lap, whispering, "I know, I know…"

After some time of the two of them sitting there, Mark resting his head on top of Joanne's, both of them with tears dripping down their faces, Joanne turned her head up to face Mark. "I want to see it now" she said softly, looking as if she wasn't really confident in her decision, whatever it was.

"What do you want to see?" he asked confusedly.

"The film," she replied. At first, Joanne had not wanted to see the film Mark had made about Maureen.

"Are you sure?" he asked, a little afraid that it would be too much, too soon.

"Yea, I'm ready," she paused, "and I want to see her." Joanne slid off his lap and Mark got up to set up his projector. Retrieving the projector and reel from the other side of the room, he removed a painting from the wall adjacent to the couch leaving a large blank area on the white wall to serve as a screen. Turning off the lights, he set the projector to play and sat back down on the couch so that he was behind Joanne in relation to the screen.

Take Me or Leave Me

A Mark Cohen Film

The title flashed on the screen in bright colors. Mark leaned back against the arm of the couch, half watching the screen while observing Joanne. She was sitting up straight, watching the images flash across the screen. This film was more of a chronology then some of the other's had been, mostly because he had know Maureen since before he got his camera. It began with Him and Maureen at his 18th birthday party. His parents had given him his first camera a week before, but this shot had been filmed by his parents. The shot opened on Maureen in a large group of people who were all singing happy birthday poorly at the top of their lungs. The image changed, Maureen was sitting on the lap of her boyfriend Nick under a tree outside the school, animatedly telling a story to a group of people sitting a circle. The clips flashed on, Maureen blew out the candles on her own 18th birthday cake, a large group of people cheered at a football game, Maureen's hair was three different colors, Mark and Maureen stood with their dates and friends, dressed for senior prom and waiting to pile into a limo, the two of them waited in graduation gowns, Maureen walked to receive her diploma, Nick pushes Maureen into the community pool.

Joanne was watching curiously, Mark had never showed her these clips before; he wondered how much Maureen had ever talked about their high school days together. The scene was the loft now, Roger was playing a song on his guitar, and Maureen was singing along, halfway through Benny shouted for them to shut up, and the three of them laughed. Now the scenes went by quicker, they were almost like photographs, the 3 or four of them sitting around, Mark and Maureen holding hands(shots with Mark in them were rare because he had been especially protective of his camera at this point), they all helped April move in, a concert of Roger's.

The scene shifted to Maureen's protest, her eyes wide as she sang. Mark had left almost an entire year here skipping over April's death and Roger's withdrawal because he just wanted to remember the good when he made these films. A number of shots from the Life Café followed. They were all dancing on the tables shouting and trying their best to embarrass Benny. The camera had been passed around a lot, sometimes he didn't think he even knew the person who had been holding the camera. Joanne appeared for the first time, Maureen sitting on her lap.

In the dim lights he could see a sad smile break across her face, but when Maureen's ass appeared on the screen neither of them could keep from laughing hysterically. The images rolled on passing over various images of the gang sitting around, riding the subway, eating or at some show. As the film progressed people began to disappear, making the smile on Joanne's face slowly droop away. Mark slid over on the couch, wrapping his arms around her. She leaned back against him, tears starting to drip down her face.

Mark, Maureen and Joanne moved into their new apartments, Mark tired out his new camera when Maureen and Joanne burst in announcing their decision to have a baby, Maureen skipped around his apartment cleaning. Her belly grew, the women dragged Mark shopping for maternity baby clothes, Maureen sat in the hospital bed, sweaty and smiling with baby Vanessa in her arms and Joanne peering over her shoulder.

Joanne started crying harder, her eyes still trained on the screen. They brought Vanessa home from the hospital, she took her first steps toward Joanne, Maureen whined enviously until Joanne turned Vanessa back around and sent her towards Maureen who picked her up and swung her around, Vanessa hopped around in a little tutu shouting "Dance! Dance!" Vanessa's hair was getting darker, making her look more and more like Maureen. Maureen picked Vanessa up so she could place a birthday hat on Joanne's head. Finally Maureen and Joanne stood dressed up to eat out waving as the shot faded out.

Joanne couldn't help but sob, turning to burry her face in his chest. He held her for a time, the room completely dark except for the flashes of light from the TV in his bedroom. Finally, Joanne had stopped crying and the lights stopped flashing from the other room, a song drifting into the room. Joanne had fallen asleep, and judging by the fact that she had not come out now that her movie was over, so had Vanessa. Gently he got up, sliding pillow under Joanne's head and went to check on Vanessa.

The credits were rolling on the TV and Vanessa was asleep with her head resting on her arms facing the TV. He thought about leaving the two of them asleep, but Joanne would wake up very uncomfortable on the couch, and there was no way he could carry her. Besides, he didn't have anywhere to sleep. He stopped the movie, took it out, and put it back in its case. Walking back to the main room he gently shook Joanne awake.

"Vanessa's asleep too, you should probably go home." Joanne looked up at him a little frazzled but then slid her feet off the couch and got up. He handed her the tape and then went to pick Vanessa up off the bed. Vanessa still asleep in his arms they walked across the hall quietly, mark laying the sleeping child in her bed. Joanne walked back to the door with him.

"Goodnight," he whispered, not wanting to wake Vanessa up.

"Goodnight," replied Joanne, "and thank you, for everything," and slid the door closed.

**A/N: Well that was really long, I wanted to divide it but I could figure out where to do it. If you made it through all that, I congratulate you! It took me forever and I don't know that I really like it, but I couldn't just skip over the grief thing and I really wanted to describe the film. Reviews would be appreciated**!


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